Taking A Breather...

National exams finally over, got a part time job! Its kinda weird to not mug for anything anymore. The feeling of waking up every morning and plan a timetable for the subjects that has to be done mentally is gone and huge burden has been lifted off my shoulders. Going to poly next year means everything to me. I don't think I can make it for the big O's. I really don't have that kind of energy to keep me going anymore. Or maybe its because I'm getting too used to this free&easy lifestyle?

Class chalet tmr. Can't wait. Just a few thingy bothering me right now. Things like me being too big a coward to face my own fears and get over my paranoia. Its like this fear is eating me up from the inside, slowly devouring my flesh and crunching my bones, sucking me dry.

People write about how they swoon over boys and how boys just sweep em off their feet. But I wonder if any guy ever scared a girl to an extend she builds a wall around her to not let anyone in and to not let herself out? The enitre daryl thing bugged me for more than a year and I always get freaked out by people that show the tiniest resemblance to his personality. And then I shun that poor lad and end up hurting him. Close friends can be guys too but it really sucks when I realised that I've actually hurt the people that care a lot about me. And why? Because I can't face my fear. Because I'm too weak to. Because I got hurt.

Such a coward.

Tmr is the class chalet and I don't want to ruin it for everyone because the boy I hurt due to my selfishness is going to be there. And he is going to want answers. Answers that I cannot give because I don't know what to say. I may make this sound like a big deal and maybe a month or two I re-read this and flinch because I was so bloody stupid and immature. But I just feel like I have to get this off my chest and what better way to do so than to do it here? I really didn't mean for this to happen, everything just spiralled out of control.

Sometimes I look at the things I've done, and ask myself 'how much shit have I gotten myself into?' and the answer to that is: Enough to bury me alive. Maybe one day I can't take all this shit and put a bullet through my skull, someone will chance upon this and see why I had to what I did.

MIA

Hey dear blog, sorry to have gone MIA for such a long time! So many thing's been happening and of course, with the national exams just round the corner, I honestly didn't have time to update. -blows dust-

Okay, first up, my 16th birthday was celebrated with my friends and they gave me a huge bag of presents and a helium filled balloon. Had to take the train home that day so it was pretty awkward. Didn't have time to take photos, but I practically got everything I liked. Aww.. ('; love my bbygirls so much.

And last Friday, got back my chinese O level results. Got a A2 for my written paper and a distinction for my oral and listening. Yay! The scary part? I dreamt that I got such grades! Apparently my A2 isn't good enough for the school so I do need to retake it at the end of the year. An A1 is only 5 marks more that an A2. So why not?

Thats all for now, fucking need a shopping spree BECAUSE THE SCHOOL FINALLY HAS PROM!

Hehe. kaaaayyy

BREATHE

Hai, how's everybardee doing so far? So many things going on now. Oh gosh. Ended my Preliminary Examination 1 awhile back. So that probably explains the hiatus. THAT and I think I must've forgotten about this site for awhile. Hohoho. Anyway, last week (or was it before that..) I sat for my O Levels Chinese Oral. Oh manzxc, I screwed up big time. I kept stammering, I couldn't think of replies fast enough, couldn't really understand my examiner's questions. And all my answers that I thought of in my head were in English so I had a mini panic attack trying to translate all the words. Hmmm.... But I've decided to put all that behind my and just move forward.

So after our prelims, which ended earlier than majority of the cohort, my class had 2 days off of school! Monday was a public holiday and there was no school for us on Tuesday. (WHEE) So I spent my Monday at home doing art and watched Spiderman with le family. (OMG, Andrew Garfield makes me melt) and went to celebrate Cheryl Lim's birthday on Tuesday.

Oh mannnn, talking about that, it was an epic day. We had initially planned the outing on Monday but then CL couldn't make it so we shifted it to the next day. Thenthen, we had planned to fly kites! But when I woke up that morning, it was gloomy and dark. WTF. Disappointing much. So we changed the plan to renting movies and chilling at Hay's. Watched Vampire Suck and The Cat (A Korean horror show) I'd say, my clique is weird. Our tastes in music, books, movies and clothes are different. I'm more of an anti-chick flick/romance, action/horror/thrill (for movies), anti-laces (for clothes), anti-romance (for books) kinda girl. I'm more of a action/horror/thrill/spikes/skulls/rock/zombie kinda person. But my clique tend to be the opposite. Then there are a few of us that are neutral. So, imagine the scene of 5 of us deciding on a movie to watch. It was pretty hilarious.

Today's Eileen's birthday, went all over Nex to get the stuffs and surprised her after orals. Feel really guilty for forgetting her birthday for 2 years straight. (IKR, what kind of friends are we...) I srsly hope she likes today's surprise! Anyway, hope you guys are okay. (Are you guys even human??)

xoxox

Only Human

Y'know that kinda feeling when you're really expecting something and then suddenly the plan changes and you just lose that something that you've been looking forward to? That kind of feeling where you literally feel your heart sink and hit rock bottom and you just wanna find a comfy corner to just suck it all up.

I hate that. I hate anticipating for something and I know that I can't help but to do that sometimes. Like, that kind of disappointment just, pisses the hell out of you. Urgh. I don't know why but I'm feeling this way over something minor. Something really, really tiny. But I guess because I just don't have the time to do the things I like to do anymore, any chance to do something exciting (even if its just a trip to the grocery shop) would really be the highlight of my day. And I dunno, if there were to be a change of plans, I'd just, I dunno, feel really really terrible. #thingsihate

I'm not perfect, I'm no saint, I can be really unreasonable at times. The things that I get angry over might be trivial to you guys. But hey, I'm only human right?

Frankly speaking, if I were to make a list of all the things that I hate, then, its gonna be longer than the Great Wall Of China, for sure. But seriously, I can't stand it when people do this:
"OMGOMGOMG GOT SOMETHING IMPORTANT TO TELL YOUU!!"
"WHAT WHAT WHAT??"
"Uh...hmm..nothing/y'know what? Nevermind."

Like, #dafuq? Don't make the matter sound so important in the first place when all you're going to do is waste my energy thinking about the many thousand worst-case scenarios! I hate it, seriously. This has to be the top few of #thingsihate. Some people might find it funny but, I DON'T, dammit. Urgh, feeling so pissed right now. Might just go on a verbal rampage on the next person that pushes the wrong buttons. Or some people would just go all "OMG I FOUND OUT SOMETHING SURPRISING!" and then when you ask them what it is, they tell you shit like "Ahhh, nevermind, I'm afraid it'll affect your mood." C'mon, don't be a coward, just tell me straight up to my bloody face.

I mean, c'mon. You make the thing sound so serious and then you just brush it off with a "Oh, nevermind..." statement. Hello, am I supposed to take you seriously ever again?! I'm not acting this way because I'm pissed. Joyous mood or not, I hate it when people do such things to me.

If you didn't take it seriously in the first place, then maybe I never will take you seriously ever again.

Happy Birthday Jing Hui!

Today, I had prolly one of the greatest day so far this week. (: Had some really bad days but today, an outing with all of my girls just made me feel so much better and so much more blessed. (':

Had a mundane morning and met up with the girls at Farrer Park at 5. But I volunteered to get the cake and thus I had to go early. Met up with Cheryl Lim at Serangoon and bounced to and fro from the various bakeries to get the cake. We almost got a durian cake! But in the end we got a pink strawberry cake for the birthday girl although all the other chocolate cakes looked goooood. (;

Before I saw CL, there was this guy walking his dog in Serangoon Central and OHMIGAWD, it was a big fluffy dog! I do mean big, and the fur was like, it made the dog look twice the size! That fluffy! And cos it was so black, I didn't have the chance to see its face. Only the pink tongue sticking out!

Bought the cake, and headed down to FP to meet the girls. Had Astons for dinner. The food was yumz. I had a Hickory BBQ Chicken with fries and salad as side dishes. YUMMZ. After dinner, we started to talk about stupid things. I like tonight. Enough of words, let le pictures do the talking. (;

My dinner- Hickory BBQ Chicken with salad & fries for sides. YUMMZ.

Ze cakee

Birthday girl. (':

<3

Pretty fountain.

Tonight was good. Gonna wake up early tmr for bible studies and worship practice afterwards.

I'm gonna try and be more positive from now.

Untitled

So how's everyone been? I've been having some pretty bad days recently. But I'm trying hard not to let it affect my mood. Seriously hate it when adults practically yell their heads off at you without giving you a chance to explain. And when you tell them, they either think you're talking back, or, just be totally unreasonable. And I hate how sometimes my parents have zero trust in me. What? Like I'm not trustworthy? Like sometimes, you get so angry, you tear up and get your eyes all red and swollen and then you'll feel so sleepy for the rest of the day. Am I the only one feeling this way??

When shit happens, I know I've got these bunch of really lovely people behind me. Just being around them sometimes takes my mind off the things that's really bothering me. And I thank God so much for having these people in my life. They've been such a dear to me.

Anyway, yesterday was Jing Hui's birthday but everyone didn't have time to celebrate with her yesterday and today, we're going for dinner tmr! I hope everything would turn out well, cos I'm so excited! I need to watch what I eat tmr, not too much grilled food or my voice will suffer! I'm singing this Sunday and worship practice is on Saturday..gonna do a duet with Kester again, and the last time I had a part to myself was....uhm..not very good. Maybe I was too nervous but, it still was bad okayyy.

YESS. So I'm praying hard I won't mess up this Sunday! ); Though I'm secretly excited though. Kester's always so encouraging when he's paired wimme. I'm somehow afraid that I'll ruin his reputation though. :/

Ohmannn, and looking at the song that I have to sing, I HAVE NEVER HEARD IT BEFORE BTW, I'm so afraid I'll mess up again. );

Till then!

(:

I'm trying to look at things at another angle this year. I'm trying to be happy, like, genuinely happy. Not the "happy in front of my friends" happy.

Sorry for the random picture. Its just, it was cute. (: SOOO, chinese O's were...reasonable. I guess. Went to the long-awaited Seoul Garden for a BBQ/Steamboat after the papers. It was fun and I must admit, the marinated fish was......heavenly. ;P

Been having "Intensive" school sessions for the past week. Well, I suppose all graduating students go through the same routine. We get only 2 weeks for holiday instead of the usual 4. ): And I sort of agree with the "Intensive" cos we've been having art for....everyday. Till 5. So all the d&t students can go home and do whatever they want while the poor art kiddos gotta stay behind, imprisoned in the art room. Seriously, by the time I get back home, I hardly have any energy left in me to do anything else. ):

Just wanna collapse on bed and sleeeeeeep. #lifeofasec4kid no? ):

Okay, uhmm, abrupt ending for now. Wanna go back to fangirling over my boy bands. Gawd, I wanna see The Wanted so badly.