Update: The Jaguars / Poly Life

In a blink of an eye, i am going to complete the first semester of my first unofficial year in poly. O_O

(wait whuuut?)

Anyway, this sem has been one hell of a roller coaster ride, filled with ups and downs. (Okay, mostly ups. Yay!) And this has been the longest time i have spent apart from my clique in secondary school. Yeah sure, eventually i will have to leave them. I just didn't think it will be so soon. But i am thankful for the friends i made here in NYP. Sure, NYP isn't exactly the best poly in sg but i'm still thankful nonetheless for the Jaguars:

Our first ICA!

They have been such a treasure to me and i am so thankful for their patience and guidance and tolerance towards me. From my never ending fantasy of building a spaceship to my monthly bitch fits i throw, they have always been there for me and i am so so so thankful to God for bringing them into my life. (:

I am supposed to be studying since sem exams are two freaking weeks away but on the account that i've been meaning to write this post, can we please ignore the words "exam" and "study" for tonight?

I know i was so paranoid about not being able to make any friends and be normal but my fears dissipated into thin air the moment i met these guys. Not saying that my friends aren't normal, but lets just say i appreciate their uniqueness and ability to look at things from a different angle. I remember me opening up to Pri, Kerwin and Mel about how i used to cut back in secondary school and it just struck me how i was so ready to open up.

I want to thank everyone that made me laugh so hard abs are starting to form (okay not literally,) and make my day so enjoyable. I haven't dreaded going to school yet so far and no drama has been aroused yet. I want things to be kept this way and for us to laugh everyday. As bimbotic as it sounds, all i want for us is to laugh our days away.

Hey Priyah, thank you for being there for me all the time and entertaining me and my space ship fantasy. Remember how we studied in school that night while waiting for mel & kerwin to get through their auditions? And how we exchanged ghost stories and spooked each other out! Thanks for agreeing with me to go to town just to get my pay after school that day. And thanks for always being so understanding. You are such a gem and i am so thankful you're always there for me.

I know how insecure you are sometimes but do know that you are so strong and so gorgeous (on the inside and out). Don't let anyone get you down. Fight for what you want, for the ones you love. Be strong, heads up and live it our proudly.

Hello Asyura! You're the first friend i made during orientation and how you witnessed my un-glamorously late entrance into the lecture theatre because i was soo late on my first day of orientation! You've stuck with me since that day and became my partner for every pair work hehe. You kanchiong spider.  <3

Hi "boyfriend" you are by far the most hilarious person i have ever met and you're one of the reasons why i always look forward to coming to school. You, your jokes and that diva attitude always make my day. You've never failed to make me laugh everyday in school. Albeit life without you would be quiet hehe but do know i appreciate your company. <3 You have such a strong character so don't let anyone make you feel like you're not worth it. Because you are. 

Hi vanessa! I have a photo of us in our formal wear but you look so cute in this picture i couldn't resist posting it! I remembered how we clicked immediately because of our common like in "The Walking Dead". How we spazzed over Daryl. And we also watched the same animes! You have no idea how much you make me laugh with your unexpected bitch rebuts and perverted jokes. (which i don't understand 90% of the time) Just want to let you know how pretty you are and don't ever let anyone put you down. You are pretty and you should be proud of what you have. (: don't let the judgments of others affect you. Embrace it, and live it out. (:

I don't have a photo with just you and me Iris, i hope i will have one someday. (: Thanks for always tolerating my monthly bitch tantrums and being so motivational. Its nice to finally know you instead of just hearing your voice from across the floor. (hint PPS days...) You might not take the same diploma course as us but please remember us (and me hehe). Thank you for always dropping whatever you're doing just to help me in my math. (': and for repeating yourself because i don't understand the question. You're always so patient with me and i really, really appreciate that. (:

I love you jags. I felt like i had to post this because you all have made my days so much more enjoyable and so much more fulfilling. 

My 17th birthday

Hello blog! Yesterday, i had the best night spent with one of the best company ever! Ever since embarking on this new pfp journey, i haven't had time to let loose with the group of people that saw me through the best (or worse) past four years.

Met gt after church yesterday and we attempted to study. Or rather me. Went to Teadot where i had the sweetest (and biggest) cup of Earl Grey Tea my tongue had ever tasted. And if it sounds really tantalizing, it wasn't. Dafaq they called it a "Earl Grey Lollipop" which was apparently a lethal combination of butterscotch, earl grey and who knows how much sugar. It was diabetes just waiting to happen.

After a while my butt just refused to stay on the chair anymore, we went to walk around Nex. We must've walked around 3 times in the whole shopping centre because i was debating with myself-aloud-if i should get some fried chicken. And yes, i did get it.

Walked around for a bit more and i saw two seasons of Hawaii 5-0 in two CD shops. STEVE MCGARETT JUST SITTING THERE ON THE SHELF BECKONING ME TO BRING HIM HOME. But i didn't. The reason why i wanted the CD so bad was because dad had decided to cancel the cable tv. -I need a moment of silence here....- And this is my favourite show (next to Criminal Minds and Sherlock) which i have recently realised i have become addicted to. ):

So with no cable tv, i will have no AXN and therefore AM UNABLE TO FINISH THE SEASON. But i decided to grit my teeth and tell myself that a) I am going to get rid of this addiction and b) shows now are so easily accessible i can always get it online. I just need the correct site.

So after whining for ages, finally made our way down to the bus stop where we bumped into the cheryls and eileen. Took a bus to twin's and just chilled and ordered pizza for dinner.

Cake and surprise came after dinner while i was helping to clear up. Took photos and laughed a hell lot:

Just me lusting over Steve Mcgarett/Conan O'Loughlin :D

 Oh the wonders of a MacBook Pro

 We is strong peepoh

 Trying to go all Vogue/Cover Girl

UPDATE:

Loads of assignments and tests piling up lately. But i guess thats normal when you're in poly and all. Sometimes i want to crawl back to zhonghua while other times i just feel like sticking my butt onto the chair and spend time with my jags.

Had bfast with momsie before school today and i did tell her how much i loathe the campus's size and space and basically everything about the campus. I told her how i wished i was in NP/SP where their campus grounds are much bigger than mine. But then she told me how not everyone can fit in in that school. Which might happen to me.

Anyway, the exciting thing about this month is that its J U L Y! Favourite month of the year since its my birthday month! I have this feeling that it won't be as eventful as last year's. (What if the jags forgot about my birthday...)

Paranoia, paranoia jy. ):

Found these in my computer and i miss you girls like hell. )': I still doubt myself whenever i think of pfp and it being a right choice. I can't stand going to school without seeing their faces. I wish our friendship will be one that will last us till we grow old.

I miss you girls. xx

Hellloooo

Been feeling really down recently, and i don't know what i should do to get out of this consuming vortex of depression.

1. Biz studies test was returned to us yesterday, and i didn't feel too happy with my marks. 32/40 isn't so great after all when your friends beside you are scoring higher and even getting full marks for this.

2. Received a letter (from nyp) informing me that i didn't get my scholarship. I know its okay seeing that i lose nothing anyway. The scholarship was to pay for my school fees. And since i didn't get it, oh well.

3. Math test tmr and i am not exactly the best person in math....

Yeah, go ahead, tell me these aren't big issues. "Its okay jy, its just a small business test! At least you didn't fail!" "If you have nothing to lose, then why are you so upset over not getting the scholarship? You can always try again the next year or other scholarships the school is giving out!" "Just do your best in tmr's test jy! Leave it all to God!"

What encouraging statements (coming from myself LOL...) but its doing nothing for me. Sure the jags did tell me that my marks were okay, but i still feel really shitty about myself.

I am so thankful for the jags at times because they have been bringing me back to reality when i get too carried away with my sorrows and they have been there to just listen to me whine and go on and on and on about how pathetic i feel i am. Honestly, so blessed to meet them. 

But sometimes (okay, most of the times) i find that whatever they tell me be it sincere or not, doesn't affect how i am feeling about myself. I always lament how bad i am at math and asyura will always tell me i'm not. Sometimes pri will say she's worse and the encouraging smile from van makes me feel better. I panic when i can't solve my problems and iris will stop what she's doing to help me and morris will too. Not saying my friends in ZH weren't like this, i just never felt so helpless before.

Back in secondary school, i was always the average one. Not too bad, not the top either. I never did my homework (unless the subject's teacher was one that would give my life hell) all the way till sec4. The only homework i did was tuition homework. But when i come to poly, i did my homework/tutorials, i listened in lectures, i revised my lecture notes but i still can't be average. I'm still at the bottom. 

Earlier today, pri van asyu and i were talking about last night's attempt to do the paper again, and asyu started saying that she never liked Bs or Cs and van said that her marks after she re attempted were 72/80. Not saying i blame them/hate them for bringing this up but i felt really lousy because i felt like i could never attain a 70/80 for my math and i used to whoop for joy when i get a B. I hardly had As, not even for english.

The only time where i had the most number of As were last year's N level cert. My report book NEVER had so many As before. And i guess everything just stopped there.

"Stop blaming yourself jy." You might say, but i dunno, i just feel like crap. Why can't i ever be good enough? Was entering PFP even the right path to take? I slogged my guts out for an entire bloody year and i don't want to get kicked out. Sure, nyp isn't the top polytechnic in sg but if i get kicked out, i have nowhere else to go.

I feel like i'm getting ripped into shreds, getting torn apart by this vortex of depression. And my soul is this manifestation of negativity residing within the fleshy shell of my body. 

I know i cannot let this feeling get the better of me but i really don't know what to do other than to be a sitting duck and watch this tsunami of despair sweep over me, drowning me, destroying me. 

Update:

Hi!! Its been slightly over 2 months since I last visited this space. Shows how busy my new school life has made me. ): (nah I kid, I don't really think I am that busy lol,)

Anyway, in a blink of an eye, I am already having my term break! Its really shocking to see how quick time passed and before I know it, (hopefully) I would be officially Year 1! Poly life is really different from secondary school and it can be really difficult to go to school without seeing the class I have been seeing for the past 4 years of my life. I remember sometimes I will see my friends for 6 days per week, sometimes literally everyday.

Not saying that my poly friends are shit and my poly class sux, I love them all too. PF1322 is a really entertaining class and my clique, the Jags/Jaguars (named by Morris) are probably the best friends I can ever ask for. The Jags are always so supportive of me, and did I mention I am in the same class as my a girl from my primary school?? Yup. But at times I really miss the girls from ZH, 4N1, my juniors.... (sigh.)

Before I get carried away with all these negativity, let me post some pictures!

^ mothuplucking laptop refused to load my photos I don't even know why. *bitchy jy has appeared*

So, without the presence of pictures, I am unable to show my poly friends and what I have been doing with my life thus far. Here's a suggestion: Why not start following my on Instagram/Twitter? (; its @halfeatenjelly for both. (Free imaginary candy/hugs will be given out!)

xoxo,
J

Update:

Hello! Oh man i just realised how screwed i am. School is starting in 2 frickin days and i am completely unprepared. I haven't changed my ezlink card to the tertiary ones, my bag is still undecided. AAND first lesson of the day would be pe and guess what? I have no idea what to wear for my pe kit and i have no sport shoes. I still need to get some stationary and lecture pads and all that. Yet what am i doing now?? Blogging in front of my laptop about how lazy i am and what a superb procrastinator i am too. -.- I would just love to give myself a middle finger if it helps.... maybe i really should start doing something about this huh... ):

But i just refuse to leave my room. Like literally. Everyday i'm just holed up in my room and flat on the bed. Reading, using my phone, basically just wasting my day away.

KAY SCREW THIS, I'm just rummage thru my bookshelf and see what i can find. And also my shoe cupboard and wardrobe. Hopefully i can fit into le sister's sport shoe and find something for my pe kit. (:



(Ugh who am i kidding...i just suck okay)

In case you missed our faces, taken when we were celebrating gt and hay's birthday.

How am i going to survive the next 4yrs without them sigh

):

Update:

Hello blog, I have less than 2 weeks before i officially start school! And I'm feeling really nervous about it. ): again, because i don't see myself to be as pretty as the other girls in my class. I really feel like ugly betty plus, poly don't have uniforms so i'm really shaking on the inside....have never really saw myself as someone who would crumble under such minor problems. But as i grew older, i guess, i changed. But i'm trying to stick with one of my principles of life: Grades over looks. I don't like this me. I don't like how i feel so easily upsetted over things like that. I never used to care what bag i brought to school, and even when i went out with my friends, i never wrecked my brain over what to wear as hard as i am right now. ):

Don't wanna fill this space up with so much negativity but i guess i don't really have a choice. Is it weird for me to be saying that owning a blog is much safer than owning a diary? I know a blog is world-wide and all, but i really did try to keep diaries before. They always, always end up getting read by someone in the household. Ugh. And those childish diaries with locks and secret combinations? They work too well on me cos i end up forgetting the combination/losing the key. Damn.

Feeling really unhappy with myself. I can state 10 features about me which makes me really devastated till i feel like crying. Gonna keep those to myself before i burst into tears.....or if someone happens to stumble along and laugh at my insecurities. (Well, fuck you then.)

//Sidenote: I GOT MY SCHOLARSHIP!! Wheeee

Okay, onto a proper update about my life: Had zero days of work this week which is good in a way so that my slacking will be at its finest and i will have  p l e n t y  of time to myself. The downside, of course is that i have NO MONEY to earn. Yesterday i spent my day with le twinz shopping! Met at gardens for lunch then had charyl with us till about 5+. FEP was depressing depressing yesterday. So quiet plus i couldn't find anything nice. Not until i headed to ION and 313. Where i spent almost a hundred bux.......what did i buy?
-  Pair of red shorts
-  Manicure set
-  Pair of maroon jeans
-  A t-shirt
-  A pair of shoes.
About time i cleared my wardrobe. ): my uniforms are taking up a lot of space in my pathetic wardrobe. And gotta clear my bookshelf and my table and the drawers under my bed......damn i'm getting more depressed.

KAY I KNOW WHAT TO DO. Just gonna clear all the things stated above ^ and do some excersise. And when i've accomplished at least 2 things then i'll come back to blog.

THINGS TO DO:
1. Go to the gym/pool/park
2. Pack bookshelf
3. Pack table
4. Pack drawers under le bed
5. Pack wardrobe.