Sometimes i let myself get beaten down by the thoughts and words of others. I have always seen myself as someone that does not bother about what people think of me, what they talk about me, what they see me to be.

Gone are the days that a simple sentence from someone would bring me back to grazing my arms with metal blades.

Or so i thought.

I have always seen myself to be a person that has no insecurities. Or even if i did, i was okay with it and didn't see the need to hide them or to feel afraid of them. I used to think that my insecurities were just there to ruin my days. And never would i let it.

I used to think that if someone really liked me, they will make an effort to come and talk to me.

I used to be able to leave the house without checking the mirror and fretting over my looks. I used to leave the house with whatever clothing i could find for myself and didn't worry about if they matched.

I used to see myself as an average looking person. Not too pretty but not too ugly.

I used to be the best in english in class. I used to take pride in my work.

In the past, i didn't care about reading through my essays 1000 times.

3 years ago i was writing when i had nothing to do.

3 years ago i would post my works online and people would read it.


Is growing up supposed to amplify all my fears and insecurities? Is growing up supposed to make me feel lousy about myself? 3 years later and i have become such a changed person.

Now i let my insecurities affect me. I feel bad, ugly and dysfunctional.

I don't write anymore because i'm afraid that nobody would read it. I don't write anymore because i rather rot my brain in front of Supernatural than to work out some paragraphs.

Where did i go to?