December Term Break

I have 3 weeks of holidays this term break and before it started, I was so fired up to get my hand healed so i can start writing my notes. But guess who spent 2 weeks partying non stop? Me.

1st week:
Mon-Tues: Sleepover at Neh's house + secret santa (i got a bright red Sephora lipstick and a dark red NYX lip cream from Iris!!!)
Wed-Thur: Christmas celebrations in church
Fri: Shopped in town with the twin + impulsively got my 2nd ear hole
Sat: Low's birthday celebration
Sun: Can't remember what i did which proves nothing productive was done.

2nd week:
Mon: Baked cookies for class xmas party at Kerwin's.
Tues: Mom had friends over so i entertained the young kids and went to Kerwin's after.
Wed-Thur: Sleepover at twin's + countdown at clarke quay with secondary school friends
Fri: Sitting in front of my laptop with my assignments in front of me but blogging.

Well. There you have it!

I shall now blog about Low's birthday celebration! Met them at Orchard Central for kbbq and basically spent the evening eating.

27 December:

On 30th, i went for my class's xmas gathering at Kerwin's. Initially, i wanted to hide in my room when mum's friends came over so i could do some work before the party later in the evening. But then, one of her friends brought their daughters along to bake and i had to entertain them. That includes getting my hair yanked into ponytails, lipstick smeared onto my face, hair getting lathered in grapeseed oil and getting covered in baking flour. :/ i was so relived when they left. Don't get me wrong, i like those girls. I just hate what they did to me. So anyway, onto pictures of Ker's party!

30th December:

MS1402, thankful for y'all

I like to think i can be discrete in photo bombing

Stayed behind to help Kerwin clean up with KJ and Haresh since we stayed quite near to his place. Then when the clubroom closed, we went to some pavilion by the pool and played poker cards and talked. Walked home with Haresh and KJ and got home at 1.30 in the morning. :/

The next day, packed my bag for a sleepover at twin's place cos we were gonna countdown to the new year with the boys from zhss! Also, the girls were supposed to do secret santa but guess who totally forgot..... me. But hey i brought everyone's presents too! Got face mask + chocolates from rachel, a phone stand from low and a NARS matte dark red lipstick from the twin and gt!! Thanks girls!

31 December:

The twin left for church at about 4pm, leaving the house to the 4 of us. #friendshipgoals

Trying to show the mess. Aftermath of opening presents. (Sorry lazy to rotate)

Drunk Kerwin is cute Kerwin HAHAHAH

Reached cq at about 7 and met the guys for dinner. Then we walked across the bridge to find a bar and ended up settling down in a Korean bar called Boss Bar where they ordered a beer tower and i got a watermelon soju and shared it with low and rachel! Then shortly after the countdown, twin called me and apparently got herself lost and ended up at serangoon. So i left cq to go to serangoon to pick her up and then came back to cq. But by then the boys had left and gt brought 2 of her tchoukball friends to the bar. Stayed in the bar (with another beer tower and a $30 plate of fried chicken that wasn't a lot knn....) till 4.30 or 5-ish playing drinking games and laughing at wasted people. When i left the bar, guess who i met stumbling out of a club drunk? Kerwin! Also met Haresh earlier on when i got back to cq but didn't get a photo.

Walked around cq while waiting for the trains to start. But it took so looong. And getting a cab was impossible. That night, i felt so embarrassed to be a girl because i saw so many girls that got themselves dead drunk and started humiliating themselves. Like this malay girl that was wearing a black tube dress and because she was so wasted, as she was struggling with her boyfriend to go back to the club her dress actually came off....oh and she was lying on the floor with her legs up so basically guys got to see free shows. Ugh.

Met Deon (a councillor from zhss days) and his friend Gary and they helped tipsy gt into the train. Finally reached twin's place at 7am in the morning OHMYGOD. Showered and crashed at about 7.45? Woke up at 12 because the sun was shining in my face. (I fell asleep at the couch, in front of the window) then i went to rachel and gt but they were sleeping. Then i went to twin who was also sleeping. Then i fell asleep again. Woke up when aunty cooked porridge (which tasted divine) then when rachel left, we went back to sleep again lmao. 

Woke up at 5 and joined aunty in front of the telly watching this hilarious Hong Kong movie. Left at 6.30 with everyone and reached home with dinner for the granny at 7. 

Okay. Basically what happened in this 2 weeks. Now let me drown in guilt for not doing anything productive. :)

Relapse

Firstly, this post is not (and will never be) meant to be "attention seeking" in any way.

Recently i've been grappling with my own personal issues and i refuse to talk to anyone about anything because honestly, i know no one will give a damn. Everyone's all caught up in their own battles. Its not fair for me to further burden them with my own issues.

There's so many things running through my head and it will take an eternity to talk about them. In the past, i thought that my problems will go away if i had a real problem in hand. Which was why i started cutting myself in the first place.

But then i got called "bad influence", "attention seeking" because of what i did. I knew it was wrong. But it wasn't fair to call me "attention seeking" because of this. I just have a different way of dealing with my problems. What does that have to do with you?

I know, my body is supposed to be a temple. And i might've ruined it all for myself, by myself.

I hate how i can't tell anyone about this because they won't understand. "It's just a phase." that's what they'll say. Or they'll ask me to suck it up and move on. They'll say it's childish. And it just hurts. Why can't i say the same thing about people who bake or draw or run when they're upset?

Why is it that every time i try to mention anything regarding this i get shot down?

And it's perfectly okay for others to turn to cigarettes and alcohol when they're feeling down? Why is it that they can turn back to what kills them to feel alive and i can't? Am i not allowed some time for myself in my own room with a blade to let everything out the same way they are allowed to have a stick or drink?

Whatever lah, Ya'll can call me whatever ya'll want. But don't come preaching to me about me ruining my life/body when you poison yourself with different forms of toxic.

Festive Hotel, 13-15 Oct 2014

Spent the last week of my holidays with friends from secondary school and we finally got round to doing our long awaited staycation!


13 Oct, Mon
Met at 11am on monday at vivo's mrt where we had brunch before buying some food and drinks for the stay. Walked to Sentosa with all our heavy bags and it basically felt really good throwing them on the floor of the hotel. We spent the rest of the afternoon and early evening in Siloso beach where we just took (a lot of) pictures and talked.

Don't lie guys, pretty sure ya'll really wanted to do this to me throughout the entire 3 days

The twin being so sisterly to help take the sunglasses out cos it was stuck in my hair

Eat my shit

Wth is wrong with you

#thankful4u

Basically what i have to say for the whole stay

And then we had pizzahut for dinner! Went back to the hotel after walking around vivo for a bit. Watched movies like Spiderman, some chinese movie that was playing and evil dead (that twin and rachel did not dare to watch so they left the room at 3am lol and low was already asleep,) and step up and teen titans and martin mystery

I think the last movie we watched was the exorcism of emily rose that was so slow, everyone fell asleep. Must have fell asleep at 5am i think?

14 Oct, Tues

Woke up at 11 the next day and after chilling in the hotel we left for the beach again but this time to take the Luge ride!

Went back to the hotel and ate some chips so we weren't really hungry. Low and twin took a quick night swim in the pool and then after they got showered we left for supper/dinner at Toastbox at 11pm LOL. Then we went back to the hotel and drank.....quite a bit.

Okay, i didn't drink as much with them as with the jags because i just didn't feel like it. But it was enough to make me feel a little tipsy. Then chubbz and twin continued playing drinking games whilst rachel and i just watched and laugh at them. Low was asleep (again).

Sometime through the night (or day, however you wanna call it,) security came up and basically told us to shut up because someone said we were being too noisy. After that twin and gt got reallyyy drunk. And i felt really really sleepy too.

So only rachel and low (that actually got up later) were the only ones awake enough to take care of the drunk (and puking) chubbz.

I don't know what time i slept but i'm guessing around 3 or 4 in the morning. Got up at 11am thanks to chubbz for tugging on my blanket. I was cosy though, but at least it was a gentle way to wake someone up hehe.

And we checked out before 1! I think. Went to vivo for lunch at fish and co before going home. And i took a nap for like, 3 hours LOL.

Anyway, thanks for being to enthusiastic about this girls! 6 years of friendship let's make this last as long as we can!

"& we'll never be royals"

Was going to write a post about my last few weeks of holidays but apparently i'm in a very bad mood tonight i can't even help myself. :(

Growing up is so tough because you need to learn how to keep your feelings in check and feel comfortable in your own skin and deal with 2 faced people and try to keep your mood swings under control and try to control your rage and swallow all the shit people throw your way and understand that everyone else is going through the same shit (if not worse) like you.

ASD;LKJFX';BLKSHG

School has made me so depressed. And it's not even week 1 of sem2 yet lol.

I pray so hard to not do anything stupid. 4 years of unbroken skin and i pray it'll remain that way. For life. It's so hard to stay away but i have to. And i have been staying away.