Relapse

Firstly, this post is not (and will never be) meant to be "attention seeking" in any way.

Recently i've been grappling with my own personal issues and i refuse to talk to anyone about anything because honestly, i know no one will give a damn. Everyone's all caught up in their own battles. Its not fair for me to further burden them with my own issues.

There's so many things running through my head and it will take an eternity to talk about them. In the past, i thought that my problems will go away if i had a real problem in hand. Which was why i started cutting myself in the first place.

But then i got called "bad influence", "attention seeking" because of what i did. I knew it was wrong. But it wasn't fair to call me "attention seeking" because of this. I just have a different way of dealing with my problems. What does that have to do with you?

I know, my body is supposed to be a temple. And i might've ruined it all for myself, by myself.

I hate how i can't tell anyone about this because they won't understand. "It's just a phase." that's what they'll say. Or they'll ask me to suck it up and move on. They'll say it's childish. And it just hurts. Why can't i say the same thing about people who bake or draw or run when they're upset?

Why is it that every time i try to mention anything regarding this i get shot down?

And it's perfectly okay for others to turn to cigarettes and alcohol when they're feeling down? Why is it that they can turn back to what kills them to feel alive and i can't? Am i not allowed some time for myself in my own room with a blade to let everything out the same way they are allowed to have a stick or drink?

Whatever lah, Ya'll can call me whatever ya'll want. But don't come preaching to me about me ruining my life/body when you poison yourself with different forms of toxic.