Saturday 2 July 2016

catching up

Really have been way too busy living to remember that i have a personal little blog. My last entry is SO old and outdated.

Anyway, to cut my ramblings short, internship has started. It's so funny how i'm posting this when i'm 4/5 months done with internship hehe. But internship really has taught me a lot about myself. I have been enjoying my own company so much more since i started working. I would never be able to go out and walk around or explore new places within my area in the past. Now, i'd just take a train down to sephora or walk over to h&m and browse. Sometimes, more often than not, i end up leaving with a big dent in my bank account. But i feel so comfortable, not feeling the need to look for anyone's approval or account to anyone but my parents.

Speaking of approval, i've also stopped seeking approval from people around me, especially from people i'm not close to. Used to always want someone to think a certain way of me or try really hard to do what everyone else is doing. Go to a club tonight? Yeah okay. Go out for drinks? Sure why not. Wanna go and get hammered? Yeah sure dude.

It got so exhausting after a while and so toxic. I'm not saying i have stopped drinking and hanging out at night, I'm saying that now when i do something, i do it for me and not to "fit in".

And i no longer care as much about what people think of me anymore. I don't need to account to anyone and i feel so happy and free being by myself. It's not lonely to come home after a night out to a "quiet phone". And it certainly feels good to not have to answer to anybody.

Basically, i've been enjoying myself a lot more. And i really like it this way. Internship company has been great and i've made a few friends. There are bad days and there are slow days. But there are also good days and fun days. Been learning to be a whole lot more organised and learning how to dig myself out of the mental grave i've dug out.

In the past, whenever i had a bad day, i'd harp on it and wonder what went wrong and blame myself for it. Now, i have learned to accept that things have went wrong and follow up on it to make sure it won't happen again.

Been growing closer to old friends and i really like it. Being friends don't mean that you have to constantly see each other. Being a constant doesn't mean you have to CONSTANTLY talk to the person and be in the person's life. It's okay if my friends dont text me often, its okay if we dont hang out often. But now i know who to turn to when my day goes to shit and i just need someone to rant to.

Life hasn't been all that smooth but i like it this way. I don't think i've ever been so contented as i am now. :)