Been so confused recently.
I know, the whole incident between D and i, it was my impulsive reactions and me not having the ability to think about the repercussions. And i sincerely apologise for that babe. What i felt was unfair was what she did to me after.
I trusted them, they were my childhood bestfriends and my crush. My childhood bestfriend's brother. Yet they all ganged up on me and played this dumb game that was supposed to just make my crush on him disappear? If i could apologise to D right now, i would.
I fell flat on my face that time and no one came forward to help me. Why guys? Were you talking bad about me behind my back? I trusted each and every single one of you. I would've trusted you with my life. But when trouble started brewing i had no one by my side. All of you pretended i was nothing, that i wasn't even there.
All the titles their parents held, and they used that against me. When everything was over, everyone pretended to go back to their normal lives. D left for USA and everyone grew up. But what about me? I realised how truly alone i am in this place that was supposed to have people there for me 24/7. Have i ruined all that?
I'm sorry, D, if you come back and i am so distant from you and everyone else. I can't bring myself to face you and your family. I can't bring myself to forgive you and your family. I can't bring myself to sit on the same table as all of you. I can't bring myself to be nice and smile and go back to how it all was before. Because i'll feel like it is all a facade. Its not true and i'll be two faced and be the same as the people i detest.
I think i can't forgive you for that prank because i can't forgive myself too. How do i find it in my heart to forgive you when i can't even forgive myself...
Why am i bringing this up after keeping it in for 5 years. I have never talked about this to anyone so why, jy, are you reopening these wounds again?
Because its back to haunt me.
