Really have been way too busy living to remember that i have a personal little blog. My last entry is SO old and outdated.
Anyway, to cut my ramblings short, internship has started. It's so funny how i'm posting this when i'm 4/5 months done with internship hehe. But internship really has taught me a lot about myself. I have been enjoying my own company so much more since i started working. I would never be able to go out and walk around or explore new places within my area in the past. Now, i'd just take a train down to sephora or walk over to h&m and browse. Sometimes, more often than not, i end up leaving with a big dent in my bank account. But i feel so comfortable, not feeling the need to look for anyone's approval or account to anyone but my parents.
Speaking of approval, i've also stopped seeking approval from people around me, especially from people i'm not close to. Used to always want someone to think a certain way of me or try really hard to do what everyone else is doing. Go to a club tonight? Yeah okay. Go out for drinks? Sure why not. Wanna go and get hammered? Yeah sure dude.
It got so exhausting after a while and so toxic. I'm not saying i have stopped drinking and hanging out at night, I'm saying that now when i do something, i do it for me and not to "fit in".
And i no longer care as much about what people think of me anymore. I don't need to account to anyone and i feel so happy and free being by myself. It's not lonely to come home after a night out to a "quiet phone". And it certainly feels good to not have to answer to anybody.
Basically, i've been enjoying myself a lot more. And i really like it this way. Internship company has been great and i've made a few friends. There are bad days and there are slow days. But there are also good days and fun days. Been learning to be a whole lot more organised and learning how to dig myself out of the mental grave i've dug out.
In the past, whenever i had a bad day, i'd harp on it and wonder what went wrong and blame myself for it. Now, i have learned to accept that things have went wrong and follow up on it to make sure it won't happen again.
Been growing closer to old friends and i really like it. Being friends don't mean that you have to constantly see each other. Being a constant doesn't mean you have to CONSTANTLY talk to the person and be in the person's life. It's okay if my friends dont text me often, its okay if we dont hang out often. But now i know who to turn to when my day goes to shit and i just need someone to rant to.
Life hasn't been all that smooth but i like it this way. I don't think i've ever been so contented as i am now. :)
Saturday, 2 July 2016
Wednesday, 28 October 2015
Invisible
On monday, my lecturer told us about the opportunity to do our internship in middle east (ie, dubai) or russia in their respective media cities. The government will be giving us (if we are qualified to go,) allowance on top of what the company will be paying us, and also pay for our air ticket there.
When I first came to poly, I was presented with various overseas trips and exchange programmes. All of which I brushed off the mere thought of me going. But this one, i was excited. I really want to go to dubai!
But me being me, i'm plagued with bad grades, paranoia, self loathe. The moment we were presented with this chance, i have already imagined myself there in my own little apartment. I imagined myself gasping in awe as i breathed in dubai air for the first time, i imagined myself squealing and imploding with excitement as i get step into my own little rented room or apartment, abandoning my gigantic luggage at the doorway as i prance around my new abode. I imagined going to work and coming home to an empty house-strangely enjoyable-with no one to greet me. I imagined myself cracking my head on how to cook, clean, grocery shopping. I imagined myself documenting my life in dubai through vlogs and blogs and skyping my friends and family back home. I imagined myself getting lost in the dubai peak hour crowd-or just getting lost as usual-and being on the brink of tears as i struggle to find my office. I imagined myself being homesick and pulling my knees close to my chest as i rock back and forth crying at how useless i am after a long, tough week at work. I imagined myself worrying myself to tears at the fear of being fired from a company.
And so much more.
But you see, i have a tendency to imagine scenarios in my head but the truth is: reality will always be a complete opposite from what i envisioned. Even if the picture i painted in my head was realistic. I tell myself not to get my hopes up at this chance because its not like i will actually get the job. And i keep telling myself that doing an internship here in this tiny island where i was born and bred just like everyone else is also a good thing and can be eye opening and also a good experience.
Its funny how in my 19 years of life, i've never once pictured myself leaving Singapore to stay in another country or to move out of this little red dot because i had everything i wanted and needed here. Which country's government will take such good care of its citizens like our government?
I really want to go to Dubai.
When I first came to poly, I was presented with various overseas trips and exchange programmes. All of which I brushed off the mere thought of me going. But this one, i was excited. I really want to go to dubai!
But me being me, i'm plagued with bad grades, paranoia, self loathe. The moment we were presented with this chance, i have already imagined myself there in my own little apartment. I imagined myself gasping in awe as i breathed in dubai air for the first time, i imagined myself squealing and imploding with excitement as i get step into my own little rented room or apartment, abandoning my gigantic luggage at the doorway as i prance around my new abode. I imagined going to work and coming home to an empty house-strangely enjoyable-with no one to greet me. I imagined myself cracking my head on how to cook, clean, grocery shopping. I imagined myself documenting my life in dubai through vlogs and blogs and skyping my friends and family back home. I imagined myself getting lost in the dubai peak hour crowd-or just getting lost as usual-and being on the brink of tears as i struggle to find my office. I imagined myself being homesick and pulling my knees close to my chest as i rock back and forth crying at how useless i am after a long, tough week at work. I imagined myself worrying myself to tears at the fear of being fired from a company.
And so much more.
But you see, i have a tendency to imagine scenarios in my head but the truth is: reality will always be a complete opposite from what i envisioned. Even if the picture i painted in my head was realistic. I tell myself not to get my hopes up at this chance because its not like i will actually get the job. And i keep telling myself that doing an internship here in this tiny island where i was born and bred just like everyone else is also a good thing and can be eye opening and also a good experience.
Its funny how in my 19 years of life, i've never once pictured myself leaving Singapore to stay in another country or to move out of this little red dot because i had everything i wanted and needed here. Which country's government will take such good care of its citizens like our government?
I really want to go to Dubai.
Saturday, 24 October 2015
One sided
One sided feelings are the worst. To be overwhelmed with feelings that the other person will never feel or understand. To me, it's worse than talking to a wall. At least you know the wall will never find someone else better. And it will never move to a better place, away from you.
This one sided affair is consuming me. I feel like i'm being sucked into an abyss that i created. Now i can't get out.
This one sided affair is consuming me. I feel like i'm being sucked into an abyss that i created. Now i can't get out.
Thursday, 24 September 2015
ULTRA 2015 - THE GAMBLE
When Ultra first announced that it'll be coming to Singapore as part of the Road to Ultra, i wanted to go. And so did my other friends. (Mainly secondary school friends) But when the dates drew closer as they were going to release the early bird tickets, I started having second thoughts about attending. Because a) I felt that I wouldn't enjoy myself there. I don't even go to clubs because I don't like the club environment. b) Is it worth paying $100+ for an event I wasn't sure if I would enjoy? c) Line up wasn't even released.
But i thought, heck. I was already going for Imagine Dragons at that time so one more concert wouldn't hurt right? So i told twin okay, I'd go. So we got the tickets with Rachel, Jialing, Jiamin and Jialing's friend Shen. Then we realised that Darren was going also. At that time I remembered that other friends said that it was foolish of us to buy the tickets without even knowing the lineup. And apparently a lot of people were unhappy that the tickets were released even before the lineup.
So okay, fast forward to the day of Ultra. Sep 19. The event was supposed to start at 10.30, or so we thought. But anyways it said on Ultra Sg twiter account that from 8-9.30pm, they would be serving drinks. But we felt what for should we queue with everyone else? So we decided beforehand that we'll just get our own pre Ultra drinks.
Oh so anyway, on saturday 19 sept, I met rachel, chinee and darren at Scape at 5pm. So that I could leave my things with rachel in her shop since we won't be going home after Ultra. After that we went to Bugis to meet twin and Jiamin for dinner. Then we decided to go to 5 Tapas Bar at Somerset (lol) for pre drinks and some snacks. We got a beer tower and i had a shot of vodka. Twin said Ansolo (Ansel Elgort) was going to be performing at 10.30pm. But by the time we got pass the security checks and topped up the wristbands, we had already missed 3/4 of Ansolo and the whole of Mija. But i felt that Ansolo wasn't that great. I don't know why. Maybe because I felt awkward?
So anyway, the first thing I saw when we entered the convention centre was this girl just puking on the floor. And i felt so bad for the cleaners having to clean up the puke. :( and then halfway through Ansolo, a fight between 2 girls broke out. They were quite fierce and were pushing each other around. The crowd tried to intervene because there was just so many people I didn't think the security could get through to break the fight up. The fight was so close to where I was. Like literally just beside me! And there was this guy that was dangerously close to the fight so I moved a little and made space for him. He called them crazy bitches. Hahaha. But i was genuinely worried for him that he might get caught in the fight so I asked if he was okay. Come to think of it, I should've just kept my mouth shut and not talk to strangers. But he said he was fine. And after a while he tried pulling me to his area where his friends were (I think) because there was more space. But I didn't go. I said no and I stayed with my friends.
After Ansolo was Nicky Romero (yay!!) and I really loved Nicky that night. He played Lean On and Legacy. And there was also lyrics on the screen so we could "sing" along. There were a total of 8 of us that night and so we decided to move to the front. We were quite in front and I could see Nicky from where I was. I LOVE HIM SO MUCH. Then halfway through Nicky, we split. I was with Rachel and Chinee for the whole of Nicky. Twin and darren and the rest left to get drinks. So with the 3 of us, we moved even closer. And this is where the weird shit started. Most of the time I was facing rachel so i had my back to the rest of the crowd behind me. But when the lyrics were on the screen, I turned to the front. And I saw this guy that smiled at me and I tried smiling back. We started singing along to the lyrics. And because the volume was so high and there was so much noise, we tried to have a somewhat audible conversation. He asked for my name and age. And in turn told me his. Let's just call him E. So E and I started singing along to the lyrics. And i felt someone's arm on my left shoulder. But I thought it was rachel's. Then I felt some one interlocking my left hand with theirs. And i got angry so i turned to my left and saw that rach had her hand interlocking with mine! So the arm on my shoulder was....E's! After a while he dropped his arm from my shoulder but moved to hold my waist and tried pulling me closer to him. I didn't know what to do because if i moved to my right, I'd just be diving straight into E. But i couldn't go to my left because his arm on my waist was stopping me from doing it. There was no space in front and at the back. And I didn't know where chinee was. After a while he let go of my waist. When Nicky's set was at its peak, everyone had their hands raised. Rach was so sweet she refused to let go of me so when we raised our hands with the crowd, our hands were still interlocking. But E interlocked his with my right hand since it was free. But he also let go after a while. When Nicky was close to ending, Chinee, rach and I left to get our free redbulls. Then we regrouped and rachel told me that she saw E and his friends had already saw us moving to the front. E also told his friends "order up". I felt so disgusted with him. Rachel also told him repeatedly to back off but he obv didn't get the memo.
After Nicky, it was Alesso. Once again, as a group, we tried to make our way to the front. We saw E once. And I freaked out. He smiled at me and I smiled back (even though I was panicking on the inside) and then I hid behind Darren. But when we moved to the front, I don' think he followed us. I was kind of enjoying Alesso when I saw on my right, the tattoos of this guy. And I think he caught me looking at them and I was so embarrassed. I know he kept looking at me but I would always try not to make any further eye contact. Until once I happened to turn and he caught me looking his way and gave a wave. I waved back and his friend tried to pull me over to him but I said no. :/ That guy (not the friend) had such nice eyes! I didn't enjoy myself for Alesso as much as Nicky even though there was E. I actually found myself mentally asking Alesso if he was going to be done. :( Maybe because i was thirsty and tired and needed to sit down for a while.
When Alesso ended, we got plain water and sat down drinking, taking a short break. Then Skrillex started! Skrillex was my favourite act that night. But we got lazy and didn't want to squeeze to the front. So we just stayed at the back where we were among the company of foreigners. There was also a lot more leg room. Twin and Jiamin left around 2.30am and Jialing and Shen left earlier. So all that was left was me, Rachel, darren and chinee. By then i was too tired and sweaty to even care how i look. But i must've looked high af cos this caucasian guy turned around and asked if I was on drugs and i said no! Then he asked if i WANTED drugs and i of course went NO?!?! Then he asked if i wanted to get on his shoulders. :/ dude which part of no did you not understand....
After Skrillex ended (very punctual, at 4am.) the 4 of us decided to let the majority of the crowd to leave first while we just sat on the floor drinking water and waiting for Chinee's friends. We sat outside the convention centre while they were smoking. Once they were done and chinee's friends left, the 4 of us went to 7-11 to get water and sat outside the shoppes of MBS and talked while darren slept. There were a lot of people that were like us probably. They crashed at the same area we were at after Ultra.
Once the first train started, the 4 of us boarded it back to somerset and had Macdonald's for breakfast at 7am-ish. Then we walked the boys back to the MRT station, After which Rachel and I walked to ion and sat there talking about shit while waiting for her store to open at 11am. When it opened, i got my things and went home.
I even mopped the house when i got home. Then i showered, had lunch and crashed for about 4-6hrs. The next day, I woke up aching all over and i also had cramps.
So there it is, my entire recount of Ultra. I had fun overall even though there were a lot of fuckboys. It was a fun experience over all and I find myself missing Ultra even though its almost been a week since the festival ended. :( There were so many weird people there. Like this group of guys in onesies, and a joker brought the PAP flag in to the convention centre!
Skrillex was my favourite because he really interacted with the crowd. And his voice is really nice! I miss Skrillex so much :( I know that we took a gamble in buying the tickets without even knowing the lineup. And I took the biggest gamble because I have never gone to clubs or to zoukout. I really thought I wouldn't enjoy myself. It was awkward in the begining because I didn't know how to move. It felt really weird in the begining. But in the end, I felt like it was all worth it. :")
But i thought, heck. I was already going for Imagine Dragons at that time so one more concert wouldn't hurt right? So i told twin okay, I'd go. So we got the tickets with Rachel, Jialing, Jiamin and Jialing's friend Shen. Then we realised that Darren was going also. At that time I remembered that other friends said that it was foolish of us to buy the tickets without even knowing the lineup. And apparently a lot of people were unhappy that the tickets were released even before the lineup.
So okay, fast forward to the day of Ultra. Sep 19. The event was supposed to start at 10.30, or so we thought. But anyways it said on Ultra Sg twiter account that from 8-9.30pm, they would be serving drinks. But we felt what for should we queue with everyone else? So we decided beforehand that we'll just get our own pre Ultra drinks.
Oh so anyway, on saturday 19 sept, I met rachel, chinee and darren at Scape at 5pm. So that I could leave my things with rachel in her shop since we won't be going home after Ultra. After that we went to Bugis to meet twin and Jiamin for dinner. Then we decided to go to 5 Tapas Bar at Somerset (lol) for pre drinks and some snacks. We got a beer tower and i had a shot of vodka. Twin said Ansolo (Ansel Elgort) was going to be performing at 10.30pm. But by the time we got pass the security checks and topped up the wristbands, we had already missed 3/4 of Ansolo and the whole of Mija. But i felt that Ansolo wasn't that great. I don't know why. Maybe because I felt awkward?
taken from rachel's snapchat
!!!!!
While waiting to pass security
After Ansolo was Nicky Romero (yay!!) and I really loved Nicky that night. He played Lean On and Legacy. And there was also lyrics on the screen so we could "sing" along. There were a total of 8 of us that night and so we decided to move to the front. We were quite in front and I could see Nicky from where I was. I LOVE HIM SO MUCH. Then halfway through Nicky, we split. I was with Rachel and Chinee for the whole of Nicky. Twin and darren and the rest left to get drinks. So with the 3 of us, we moved even closer. And this is where the weird shit started. Most of the time I was facing rachel so i had my back to the rest of the crowd behind me. But when the lyrics were on the screen, I turned to the front. And I saw this guy that smiled at me and I tried smiling back. We started singing along to the lyrics. And because the volume was so high and there was so much noise, we tried to have a somewhat audible conversation. He asked for my name and age. And in turn told me his. Let's just call him E. So E and I started singing along to the lyrics. And i felt someone's arm on my left shoulder. But I thought it was rachel's. Then I felt some one interlocking my left hand with theirs. And i got angry so i turned to my left and saw that rach had her hand interlocking with mine! So the arm on my shoulder was....E's! After a while he dropped his arm from my shoulder but moved to hold my waist and tried pulling me closer to him. I didn't know what to do because if i moved to my right, I'd just be diving straight into E. But i couldn't go to my left because his arm on my waist was stopping me from doing it. There was no space in front and at the back. And I didn't know where chinee was. After a while he let go of my waist. When Nicky's set was at its peak, everyone had their hands raised. Rach was so sweet she refused to let go of me so when we raised our hands with the crowd, our hands were still interlocking. But E interlocked his with my right hand since it was free. But he also let go after a while. When Nicky was close to ending, Chinee, rach and I left to get our free redbulls. Then we regrouped and rachel told me that she saw E and his friends had already saw us moving to the front. E also told his friends "order up". I felt so disgusted with him. Rachel also told him repeatedly to back off but he obv didn't get the memo.
Free red bull!
I don't think this photo does justice to show how close we were to nicky (is this even nicky??) but wow vsco cam makes these photos so pretty :')
After Nicky, it was Alesso. Once again, as a group, we tried to make our way to the front. We saw E once. And I freaked out. He smiled at me and I smiled back (even though I was panicking on the inside) and then I hid behind Darren. But when we moved to the front, I don' think he followed us. I was kind of enjoying Alesso when I saw on my right, the tattoos of this guy. And I think he caught me looking at them and I was so embarrassed. I know he kept looking at me but I would always try not to make any further eye contact. Until once I happened to turn and he caught me looking his way and gave a wave. I waved back and his friend tried to pull me over to him but I said no. :/ That guy (not the friend) had such nice eyes! I didn't enjoy myself for Alesso as much as Nicky even though there was E. I actually found myself mentally asking Alesso if he was going to be done. :( Maybe because i was thirsty and tired and needed to sit down for a while.
When Alesso ended, we got plain water and sat down drinking, taking a short break. Then Skrillex started! Skrillex was my favourite act that night. But we got lazy and didn't want to squeeze to the front. So we just stayed at the back where we were among the company of foreigners. There was also a lot more leg room. Twin and Jiamin left around 2.30am and Jialing and Shen left earlier. So all that was left was me, Rachel, darren and chinee. By then i was too tired and sweaty to even care how i look. But i must've looked high af cos this caucasian guy turned around and asked if I was on drugs and i said no! Then he asked if i WANTED drugs and i of course went NO?!?! Then he asked if i wanted to get on his shoulders. :/ dude which part of no did you not understand....
Okay lah I do look a lil high but i also look like I'm drowning.
After Skrillex ended (very punctual, at 4am.) the 4 of us decided to let the majority of the crowd to leave first while we just sat on the floor drinking water and waiting for Chinee's friends. We sat outside the convention centre while they were smoking. Once they were done and chinee's friends left, the 4 of us went to 7-11 to get water and sat outside the shoppes of MBS and talked while darren slept. There were a lot of people that were like us probably. They crashed at the same area we were at after Ultra.
I love you skrillex!! :')
Once the first train started, the 4 of us boarded it back to somerset and had Macdonald's for breakfast at 7am-ish. Then we walked the boys back to the MRT station, After which Rachel and I walked to ion and sat there talking about shit while waiting for her store to open at 11am. When it opened, i got my things and went home.
I even mopped the house when i got home. Then i showered, had lunch and crashed for about 4-6hrs. The next day, I woke up aching all over and i also had cramps.
So there it is, my entire recount of Ultra. I had fun overall even though there were a lot of fuckboys. It was a fun experience over all and I find myself missing Ultra even though its almost been a week since the festival ended. :( There were so many weird people there. Like this group of guys in onesies, and a joker brought the PAP flag in to the convention centre!
Skrillex was my favourite because he really interacted with the crowd. And his voice is really nice! I miss Skrillex so much :( I know that we took a gamble in buying the tickets without even knowing the lineup. And I took the biggest gamble because I have never gone to clubs or to zoukout. I really thought I wouldn't enjoy myself. It was awkward in the begining because I didn't know how to move. It felt really weird in the begining. But in the end, I felt like it was all worth it. :")
Great night friends!! Enjoyed myself tremendously!!
Post ultra faces. Thank you rachel for sneaking around with me, for being so protective and making sure that I am never alone. You've been a great friend and roaming buddy. Thank you so much for roaming with me even though you had to work like 10 hours the day Ultra ended and you didn't get any sleep or didn't get to shower. :') thanks for being such a great friend.
Thursday, 27 August 2015
IMAGINE DRAGONS 2015
In my 19 years, i've never been to a single concert because i've always felt that none of the acts that came to this tiny island were acts that i loved. I felt like liking a few of their songs was not enough for me to stand amidst crowds of people belting out to the lyrics.
However, the other day in school, while i was bored out of my mind in Entrepreneurship class, Megan told me that Imagine Dragons were coming and i did not even hesitate to go for the concert. Of course, the first person i told was my sister since we both loved them so much.
Imagine my joy when i found out that exams ended 4 days before the concert!
On the 25th August, i have already made up my mind to head to the concert venue early to queue because we got mosh pit tickets and i wanted to be as close as i possibly can to the stage. After having mopped the entire house and having lunch with the mother, I took a train down to Stadium and queued outside the Indoor Stadium at 2pm all the way till 7pm. Megan came to join me at 5pm-ish and we were one of the first few!
After having our bags checked by security, we ran into the pit where there was only one "row" of people in front of us. I started to worry that the sister wouldn't be able to make it in time and constantly messaged her to get her to leave the office. Doors officially opened at 7pm and the concert was supposed to start at 8pm but we waited half an hour before the concert started officially. I guess this is a blessing in disguise because the sister reached the front of the stage just as the lights turned off. There were so many people we couldn't locate each other so i just stayed at my spot with Megan and enjoyed myself tremendously.
I would post videos that i took (i recorded every. single. song.) but i think it would take eons for it to upload.
However, the other day in school, while i was bored out of my mind in Entrepreneurship class, Megan told me that Imagine Dragons were coming and i did not even hesitate to go for the concert. Of course, the first person i told was my sister since we both loved them so much.
Imagine my joy when i found out that exams ended 4 days before the concert!
On the 25th August, i have already made up my mind to head to the concert venue early to queue because we got mosh pit tickets and i wanted to be as close as i possibly can to the stage. After having mopped the entire house and having lunch with the mother, I took a train down to Stadium and queued outside the Indoor Stadium at 2pm all the way till 7pm. Megan came to join me at 5pm-ish and we were one of the first few!
After having our bags checked by security, we ran into the pit where there was only one "row" of people in front of us. I started to worry that the sister wouldn't be able to make it in time and constantly messaged her to get her to leave the office. Doors officially opened at 7pm and the concert was supposed to start at 8pm but we waited half an hour before the concert started officially. I guess this is a blessing in disguise because the sister reached the front of the stage just as the lights turned off. There were so many people we couldn't locate each other so i just stayed at my spot with Megan and enjoyed myself tremendously.
I would post videos that i took (i recorded every. single. song.) but i think it would take eons for it to upload.
this was how close we were!!
I have never screamed my lungs out in such a long time and Megan and I were technically just in front of the speakers so we had our ears blown off. By the end of the concert i couldn't hear myself anymore! I guess its safe to say i have officially "rocked out" to a concert.
Honestly i thought i would start bursting into tears when Demons was played but surprisingly i didn't and that (in all honesty) was not my favorite song live that night :( i can't decide which was my favourite though. Maybe Friction, Warriors, Gold or Shots. :/
When ID played Radioactive, it felt so surreal. I fell in love with the band because Demons was the first song i ever heard. And i hardly have songs that i would listen to everyday, let alone multiple songs per day. But Demons was that song. And when i watched Radioactive music video, i made up my mind that i Must see the band live at least once in my lifetime.
here's the accidental front camera shot i took because i was trying to record ourselves through out the concert. :(
Because of how close we were, i took so many great angles of the guitarist and there was a shot in the video that he actually saw my camera, then saw me filming him then SMILED AT ME. I smiled back so widely my cheeks hurt but i don't think he will ever remember :( megan said that people were chanting "Jesus" whenever the guitarist started playing because of his hair.
he really is adorable
here are all the shots i managed to capture of Dan.
At first i thought having Wayne (aka, rocker Jesus) smiling at me was enough to make my night, Dan actually ran off the stage and came to OUR side of the audience and he stood on ledge of the barricade and WE ACTUALLY TOUCHED HIM. Yes, i had that on tape too. Not my hand touching his outfit drenched in his sweat, but him running toward us and singing on top of us.
more accidental front camera shots. look at the number of people there are. And can we all just take a moment to gawk at how HUGE my forehead is? Just look at it! My forehead is taking up 1/4 of the photo -_-
Even though the band didn't play the entire Smoke + Mirrors album, and the set list was pretty short, i still enjoyed myself because most of the songs played were songs i liked! Like Friction, Warriors, Shots, Gold, Demons, Radioactive, Hopeless Opus, I Bet My Life.
Dan and rocker Jesus. The moment i saw this i was reminded so much of Chester and Mike of Linkin Park. If i ever had a band, i want it formed with my bestest friends. So i can do what i love with the people i love.
Never thought i'd actually enjoy being in a mosh pit when i spend majority of my days cursing the amount of people there are wherever i'm at. But hey, i guess thats what concerts are for right? Get moshed and drowned in each other's sweat and living in every moment of it.
Gonna end this post with:
Dan looking straight at me!
Thank you, Imagine Dragons. My first ever concert was spent with you guys. Thank you for being one of the bands that don't make everything revolve around sex drugs and booze. Thank you for your songs. Demons is still my favourite song among all my songs. I related to the lyrics so much. Thank you, thank you, thank you.
Sunday, 26 July 2015
19th
Before i start on any school related work, let me just take some time to talk about my 19th.
I've always thought that my birthday month was one of the best times. Because there wasn't any exams or tests or holidays in school so i could celebrate it with my friends. But after coming to poly, i realised my birthday falls right smack in the middle of submission period.
This year, i've been so busy with school (which explains the lack of updates on this space.) that i actually forgot about my birthday. I was so caught up with submissions i don't even have enough sleep. All i could think of was the week starting from 20 July is going to be insane. It is hell week,
20/7 - Business Law presentation in the morning, filming test in the afternoon
21/7 - Entrepreneurship report submission
22/7 - Programming meeting (a module that i only started working on that week eek)
23/7 - Japanese e test and programming meeting
24/7 - Programming report submission and media market research meeting (another module report i juust started working on)
I didn't have space in my brain to think about my 19th. And honestly, i wasn't looking forward to it. 19 is an awkward age. Like 17. I'm legal enough to do whatever illegal things i've been doing in public, but not really thaat legal yet?
So on the 24th, Michelle asked me to meet her 10 minutes before lecture to show me a video we've been working on for programming. But when she was "late", i kinda found a cozy corner in the lecture room and went to sleep. Then Renu, Judith and Yash came into class with a box full of donuts singing the birthday song. :3 Michelle had told the whole programming group that she was done with the video just so she could get me to come to school earlier for this surprise. It was a sleepy surprise but i enjoyed it nontheless! I'm sorry we didn't get a photo guys! :( But gurlfriendz got me Too Faced's Melted Villain!! They've been throwing hints around but i was too caught up with school to even take note! Needless to say, i went home that day and wiped off the lipstick i was wearing (Nars' Charlotte) just so i could put Villain on.
And then in the night, i just started working on my MMR report when Kerwin dropped me a text, asking if he could come over because he needed to print something urgently. Of course i said yes. He was supposed to arrive at 12.15am but turned up slightly earlier. When i went to open the door and was about to invite him in, Haresh popped up beside him and they wished me happy birthday! They did the cliche whats-your-address-ah prank and turned up at my doorstep!! Then they asked if i wanted to go downstairs to talk and they'll wait for me at the lift. They passed me my present and told me not to show it to the parents but it's my favourite. They actually got me a bottle of Bacardi!!
The girls stayed till 1am+ and sister came home just in time as they were leaving. Then i went back up to do my MMR report LOL. I watched a few episodes of AOT and slept at 4am.
I woke up at 12 in the afternoon and had a really sleepy, lazy afternoon. I woke up from my nap (yes, i went back to sleep at 1 lol.) because Asyu called me and told me to meet her for dinner. Then just as i got out of bed to get a drink from the kitchen, a delivery man came with a parcel addressed to me.
I was excited of course! I love receiving parcels even though they're not for me LOL. I started shaking the box but stopped when i saw the word "LITHIUM". I honestly thought it was a bomb. But it was really weird (yet cool at the same time) to have a mysterious parcel sent to me. :D I text the sister and asked if she bought anything from China but left it in my name. I didn't really care much about the box while waiting for her reply. When she called me, she asked me to open the box and i legit freaked out because it was.... A RED 32GB IPODTOUCH!!!! It even had an engraving on it! It was a quote by....wait for it....TOKIO HOTEL! The quote was lyrics from their song "Great Day". I almost burst into tears!
I watched more AOT and Hawaii 5-0 before leaving at 7pm to meet asyu at Plaza Sing. I really thought it'll just be the two of us because everyone was so caught up with school work. She made me walk around M&S with her and then suddenly the rest of the jags appeared! We went to Swensens for dinner where Jon was and they made me change into an outift they bought just for me! After our dinner they got me ice cream and i almost stuffed my face with it. :D
I met Alphy for supper after at macs. And he got me an eyebrow pencil! Which was really apt because mine broke on Friday and i didn't have time to get a new one!! I didn't even tell him about it!!
2015 was honestly filled with so much failures and disappointments. I felt really shitty about myself. And battled with my inner demons for so long. I thought that this year was really bad and turning a year older didn't help. God has indeed blessed me with so many wonderful friends.
;')
"The sun will follow out a way."
I've always thought that my birthday month was one of the best times. Because there wasn't any exams or tests or holidays in school so i could celebrate it with my friends. But after coming to poly, i realised my birthday falls right smack in the middle of submission period.
This year, i've been so busy with school (which explains the lack of updates on this space.) that i actually forgot about my birthday. I was so caught up with submissions i don't even have enough sleep. All i could think of was the week starting from 20 July is going to be insane. It is hell week,
20/7 - Business Law presentation in the morning, filming test in the afternoon
21/7 - Entrepreneurship report submission
22/7 - Programming meeting (a module that i only started working on that week eek)
23/7 - Japanese e test and programming meeting
24/7 - Programming report submission and media market research meeting (another module report i juust started working on)
I didn't have space in my brain to think about my 19th. And honestly, i wasn't looking forward to it. 19 is an awkward age. Like 17. I'm legal enough to do whatever illegal things i've been doing in public, but not really thaat legal yet?
So on the 24th, Michelle asked me to meet her 10 minutes before lecture to show me a video we've been working on for programming. But when she was "late", i kinda found a cozy corner in the lecture room and went to sleep. Then Renu, Judith and Yash came into class with a box full of donuts singing the birthday song. :3 Michelle had told the whole programming group that she was done with the video just so she could get me to come to school earlier for this surprise. It was a sleepy surprise but i enjoyed it nontheless! I'm sorry we didn't get a photo guys! :( But gurlfriendz got me Too Faced's Melted Villain!! They've been throwing hints around but i was too caught up with school to even take note! Needless to say, i went home that day and wiped off the lipstick i was wearing (Nars' Charlotte) just so i could put Villain on.
And then in the night, i just started working on my MMR report when Kerwin dropped me a text, asking if he could come over because he needed to print something urgently. Of course i said yes. He was supposed to arrive at 12.15am but turned up slightly earlier. When i went to open the door and was about to invite him in, Haresh popped up beside him and they wished me happy birthday! They did the cliche whats-your-address-ah prank and turned up at my doorstep!! Then they asked if i wanted to go downstairs to talk and they'll wait for me at the lift. They passed me my present and told me not to show it to the parents but it's my favourite. They actually got me a bottle of Bacardi!!
Thanks guys! I honestly did not expect y'all to get me something! Plus y'all stayed in school until it was really late and y'all were sick! But thank you so much. I thoroughly enjoyed our drinking sesh. And the suppers after.
When we went downstairs, they walked me toward the benches and guess who i saw my babes!!!! They had been waiting downstairs and i thought that they conspired with the boys.
MORE DONUTS!!! The girls got me bombshell by VS which is my favourite scent from VS!! Thank you girls!! I was so touched last night i (almost) teared. I honestly can't believe y'all will come all the way here to surprise me even though y'all are busy (or even busier) with school. Thank you for loving me when i cannot love myself. And making time for me when i don't even have time for myself.
The girls stayed till 1am+ and sister came home just in time as they were leaving. Then i went back up to do my MMR report LOL. I watched a few episodes of AOT and slept at 4am.
I woke up at 12 in the afternoon and had a really sleepy, lazy afternoon. I woke up from my nap (yes, i went back to sleep at 1 lol.) because Asyu called me and told me to meet her for dinner. Then just as i got out of bed to get a drink from the kitchen, a delivery man came with a parcel addressed to me.
I was excited of course! I love receiving parcels even though they're not for me LOL. I started shaking the box but stopped when i saw the word "LITHIUM". I honestly thought it was a bomb. But it was really weird (yet cool at the same time) to have a mysterious parcel sent to me. :D I text the sister and asked if she bought anything from China but left it in my name. I didn't really care much about the box while waiting for her reply. When she called me, she asked me to open the box and i legit freaked out because it was.... A RED 32GB IPODTOUCH!!!! It even had an engraving on it! It was a quote by....wait for it....TOKIO HOTEL! The quote was lyrics from their song "Great Day". I almost burst into tears!
I watched more AOT and Hawaii 5-0 before leaving at 7pm to meet asyu at Plaza Sing. I really thought it'll just be the two of us because everyone was so caught up with school work. She made me walk around M&S with her and then suddenly the rest of the jags appeared! We went to Swensens for dinner where Jon was and they made me change into an outift they bought just for me! After our dinner they got me ice cream and i almost stuffed my face with it. :D
Asyu helping me with the necklace they bought
Thanks jags!!! Iris wasn't there last night because she had a competition. But i still enjoyed myself!! Thank you for the dinosaur card and really cute outfit! So blessed for friends that will make time specially for me :( (Also, Jon's DSLR tho. Look at the quality of the pictures!!)
I met Alphy for supper after at macs. And he got me an eyebrow pencil! Which was really apt because mine broke on Friday and i didn't have time to get a new one!! I didn't even tell him about it!!
2015 was honestly filled with so much failures and disappointments. I felt really shitty about myself. And battled with my inner demons for so long. I thought that this year was really bad and turning a year older didn't help. God has indeed blessed me with so many wonderful friends.
;')
"The sun will follow out a way."
Tuesday, 2 June 2015
thoughts.
For so long i try to be the strong one among my friends. I wanted to be someone they could rely on because i never had anyone to turn to and confide in.
And then sometimes i forget that i'm only human. I have emotions that i have locked away deep down somewhere. I tried getting rid of these feelings because they hindered me, they reminded me of things i cannot have and will never be able to have.
Am i the only one that forgets how to feel? Sometimes, in the middle of the day i feel this cold, gaping hole in the middle of my chest and i have no idea why it appeared or what caused it. Am i supposed to feel something in there?
The number of friends calling me "demonspawn" is increasing. Yes of course i know it's a joke. But jokes don't just appear out of nowhere right? Maybe i've kept my guard up for far too long that it's becoming evident to the people outside.
Every time i get depressed i build a new layer because i refused to let people know that i am sad. That i feel like a wreck. And slowly these negativity is seeping out from the crevices in the walls i have built.
This whole charade is taking it's toll on me. For so long i have been battling myself, keeping everything to myself. Today i told morris that i always feel like i have a lot of pent up anger inside. And he said yes because he feels it too. Obviously because i'm pretty sure i subconsciously take it out on him....
All these years i've been nothing but a bipolar wreck, trying to figure out where it all gone wrong. Maybe if i just came to terms with myself that this is who i am and that it's perfectly normal to have issues, my life would start to change.
I absolutely hate my dayre account but i still keep it anyways because i always turn to that avenue whenever i feel the overwhelming urge to type out an angst, self hatred filled post and proceed to hating myself even more and most of the times it ends with me burying my head in between my knees trying my hardest to not let my screams be heard.
Maybe, just maybe things would change from now?
And then sometimes i forget that i'm only human. I have emotions that i have locked away deep down somewhere. I tried getting rid of these feelings because they hindered me, they reminded me of things i cannot have and will never be able to have.
Am i the only one that forgets how to feel? Sometimes, in the middle of the day i feel this cold, gaping hole in the middle of my chest and i have no idea why it appeared or what caused it. Am i supposed to feel something in there?
The number of friends calling me "demonspawn" is increasing. Yes of course i know it's a joke. But jokes don't just appear out of nowhere right? Maybe i've kept my guard up for far too long that it's becoming evident to the people outside.
Every time i get depressed i build a new layer because i refused to let people know that i am sad. That i feel like a wreck. And slowly these negativity is seeping out from the crevices in the walls i have built.
This whole charade is taking it's toll on me. For so long i have been battling myself, keeping everything to myself. Today i told morris that i always feel like i have a lot of pent up anger inside. And he said yes because he feels it too. Obviously because i'm pretty sure i subconsciously take it out on him....
All these years i've been nothing but a bipolar wreck, trying to figure out where it all gone wrong. Maybe if i just came to terms with myself that this is who i am and that it's perfectly normal to have issues, my life would start to change.
I absolutely hate my dayre account but i still keep it anyways because i always turn to that avenue whenever i feel the overwhelming urge to type out an angst, self hatred filled post and proceed to hating myself even more and most of the times it ends with me burying my head in between my knees trying my hardest to not let my screams be heard.
Maybe, just maybe things would change from now?
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