Missing this already :(

Might have just ruined my birthday week by chopping my hair.....
So much for going "i want short hair. I want to do something different with my hair. Long hair is boring."

I look like a dysfunctional 10 year old kid.

Too embarrassed to show my fringe

Hotline

Sometimes i wished that there really was a hotline to call God. I wished that i could call him like how i would call my friends.

God i miss you, i need you.

Asyura's 18th, Ms Nat's farewell + School Life

Hey

Our dear daisy turned 18 on 28 May and we all pretended to not give a shit about her birthday. Morris and i actually got her her favourite perfume from Viva La Juicy. And of course we shared it among the jags. We also decided to prank her by replacing the bottle in the box with stones from my dad's fish tank! Also, Morris and i had make up lesson on that day so we pretended to tell her we didn't have time to celebrate it with her. But we popped up in her class when our lessons ended and needless to say, she was so surprised with the cake!

She teared when she saw the present. That was before she opened it and realised they were rocks.

We all look so happy here aww

Happy daisy with her cake + Shariffah's lying on the table. (Before receiving our present to her and before she got all teary)

Happy 18th my daisy!! Hoped you laughed your ass off at my card.

Iris stealing the spotlight for once.

So recently, there's been a sudden influx of tests coming my way so i've been rather occupied by it. Not complaining though. I am liking what i do. Okay except filming. I rather be behind the camera than in front but if given a choice, i don't wanna be near it at all.

So last thursday we had our filming test and filmed our talent which was Megan's friend! 

Mm, awkward legs.

Oh yknow... just trying to look all professional.

I look so short. :(

 After our filming test, i had my informative speech test! Which i would like to say i'm happy to get it over and done with! Even though i'm not really happy about the fact that i overran my speech by 15 seconds. :( But the maximum number of marks i'd get deducted is 2 so oh well.

And then today, it was Ms Nat's last day in NYP. :( so we all gave her a surprise! I like giving people surprises. Firstly, haresh said that he needed to "interview" her for his assignment and the only available room he found was B512. Which was the room we had her lessons in for the entire PFP year. It held so many memories.... and we all gathered there straight after our lessons (except Iris. Iris sneaked out of class.) to write her cards and wait for her.

When she came in, we pretended it was last year again! Kerwin asking Ms Nat which book we'd be using. Like every other Tuesday 4-6pm lessons.

Then one by one we came up to her and stuck our cards on the big board that Kerwin did.

B512 is a special classroom because our 4-6pm lessons with her were the most eventful. Rachael fell off the chair, the visualiser screen suddenly rolling up by itself when Ms Nat was done telling us a ghost story (happened to rain heavily that 2 weeks though. How apt.) and the lights in the classroom across us flickering on and off scaring Morris to tears. Some guy actually went in lah but obviously no one saw. And Ms Nat had to tell him not to flick the switch because we were scared shitless.

And of course Ms Nat starting 8am class half an hour later and releasing us earlier too. Sneakily of course. And haresh and his wrecking ball skit.

Thank you so much for the memories Ms Nat!! If you ever find a teaching job again, i hope that your new students will be half as fun as we were! Don't forget us okay! You are such a great teacher and school will never be the same. PF1322 is the best PFP class and it's not going to be the same without you. :(

I wish you all the best Ms Nat!

Okay that's about it. Oh yeah i have a dayre too. But its apparently not that good because i can only type 500 characters per entry. :/ gonna stick to blogger when it comes to talking about events and occasions.

Till next time!

Sometimes i let myself get beaten down by the thoughts and words of others. I have always seen myself as someone that does not bother about what people think of me, what they talk about me, what they see me to be.

Gone are the days that a simple sentence from someone would bring me back to grazing my arms with metal blades.

Or so i thought.

I have always seen myself to be a person that has no insecurities. Or even if i did, i was okay with it and didn't see the need to hide them or to feel afraid of them. I used to think that my insecurities were just there to ruin my days. And never would i let it.

I used to think that if someone really liked me, they will make an effort to come and talk to me.

I used to be able to leave the house without checking the mirror and fretting over my looks. I used to leave the house with whatever clothing i could find for myself and didn't worry about if they matched.

I used to see myself as an average looking person. Not too pretty but not too ugly.

I used to be the best in english in class. I used to take pride in my work.

In the past, i didn't care about reading through my essays 1000 times.

3 years ago i was writing when i had nothing to do.

3 years ago i would post my works online and people would read it.


Is growing up supposed to amplify all my fears and insecurities? Is growing up supposed to make me feel lousy about myself? 3 years later and i have become such a changed person.

Now i let my insecurities affect me. I feel bad, ugly and dysfunctional.

I don't write anymore because i'm afraid that nobody would read it. I don't write anymore because i rather rot my brain in front of Supernatural than to work out some paragraphs.

Where did i go to?

Hello Year 1, Goodbye PFP

Hey, so its May already. And i'm already in my fourth week of school? Or is it third? Starting to like my class now.

I'm still trying to adapt to school days without the jags and words can't express how thankful i am to have Morris with me in this class. I yell at him, throw shit at him and yet he's always by my side. School is much different now compared to PFP year.

GAIA Tribe

MS1402 / D(A)

Tyler & Kevin

Above pictures were from my 2nd day of orientation camp. It was a bit painful going through another camp. I didn't have the same feelings i felt in pfp year, the people were different. It was awkward and worst of all, the weather was being such a bitch. It was so hot and i probably showed my bitchy side to my new classmates without realising it. These classmates are going to be here with me for the next three years. Since there are only 2 DMMM classes in NYP, we don't have to change classes every year like the rest of the school. We are one "cosy family" according to one of lecturer.

I should feel happy that now i'm finally doing something i enjoy, and would want to be doing for the rest of my life. Hopefully. But i'm still not used to how the jags and i have split. Pri, Asyu and Vanneh are in D(B) and Iris is in another course all by herself. I guess i should be thankful that at least i have Morris with me. And that we're not the only ones from PF1322 too. I have Haresh, Kerwin, Chloe and Janice with me as well. So i'm not that alone after all. :)

On April 30, i finally graduated from pfp! Had to attend the pfp graduation ceremony:

Guess who dropped by!

It was so nice of some of the MS02 kiddos and Esther our ogl to show their support! Thanks guys it meant a lot! Even though we didn't make it for the movie with y'all.

PF1322 - the last time we'll ever wear formal attires together.

Can't stop laughing at this shot hahaha.

Jaguars did it!!

Last time wearing formal with them? :(

Why do i always look like i'm growing out of someone's shoulder?

Ms Nat looks like one of us here.

Well, with this, i officially am out of pfp. I'm onto year 1, a whole new chapter in my life. I guess its time to conclude my year 0 now that i have a cert and all. I should stop holding onto memories of year 0. I have been on the same chapter for far too long. 

Pfp has been good. No, i'm not talking about my results. But the experience. The fun, the laughter, the joy and the excursions. We had "white day" and "black day" and so much nonsense. But i guess its time to leave it all behind. I guess this is why i'm writing this down here. So  that i'll always come back and look at it when i'm feeling down.

Pfp was intimidating, stressful and at times i would question if getting into this was the right choice. But i guess after its all over, i don't regret it at all. Sure, NYP might not be my ideal school. But the friends i made, the memories i have, its all worth it. As i close this chapter, and take the bookmark out, i can finally move on with a whole mind. No class is ever going to be as nonsensical as PF1322. But i guess no class can ever match up with MS1402 too. I remembered how much i miss my girls back in zhss when i first started out here. I've did it once, i can do it again. Year 1 is going to be the real deal. Its not going to be as easy going as pfp. No one is going to make sure i do my tutorials, listen in lectures, print my notes etc. I'm going to be on my own from now on. Okay not really now that i have my new classmates.

Goodbye year 0, goodbye PF1322, goodbye ms nat, mr lionel, ms chan. Goodbye pfp.

Hello year 1!

Jags in MBS

Decided to update this space as often as i can before school starts taking over my life again. I mean, sporadic postings are better than frequent ones, right?

Anyway, on April 7-9, I spent 3 days with my jags in MBS. We stayed over this time! All 6 of us! Okay, daisy left on the second day but hey its better than nothing right!

7 April
Met Vanneh and pri at Bayfront MRT at 2pm and went to put my heavy ass bag in the room first. I decided to bring my laptop + charger and my speakers lul. Then we headed off to lunch at the food court at the Shoppes. Explored the shoppes because its only my second visit there! Went back to the room after stopping at a bakery at 1st floor for some cookies and bread. I got a cinnamon bun while pri got some cookies. I think neh got egg tarts? We chilled in the room watching movies and youtube videos until about 8pm when the rest of them came. Met Iris on the first floor just as we were walking to the MRT station to meet morris and asyu.  We stayed in tower 3 by the way.

After meeting the rest, we decided to head over to Marina Square for some supper/really late dinner and Iris dropped her training bag with her parents only to pick up her staycation luggage from them. Oh! And because Iris and i headed off to Marina Square first, we passed by this Times Outlet shop that had ongoing sales of up to 80% discounts! Couldn't find any Chris Kuzneski books on sale, not like i haven't read any yet heh, but picked up this weird book with a hardcover and a skull on it. It was only going for $5 so i decided why not right? I was so elated in that little shop. I could spend the entire staycation duration there! Finally managed to drag ourselves out of the shop to meet the rest at Macs. Went to the 7-11 at the shoppes to get some drinks. Iris and i got some vodka mixed drink and an Erdinger beer and some apple cider and some long island drink thingy. We returned to the hotel at about 11? And started watching movies from midnight till about 4am. We watched youtube videos first though while some of us got showered. Sat outside the balcony with Iris drinking our drinks. We drank the cranberry-or was it raspberry-vodka mix drink and the Erdinger. Neither of which tasted too good... Talked about everything! I can't really remembered what we talked about but we sure talked! Talked about stomach flu, what kind of injuries we sustained before and about life! Watched A Haunted House and it ended around 4am. Morris slept first though.

Wow i miss my long hair.

8 April

Woke up at 11am the next day lul. Took quite a while for all of us to get ready/get out of bed. Oh and btw, Iris and i slept on the floor in between the two beds. Asyu and Pri took one bed, Vaneh and morris took the other. But Vanneh ended up sleeping outside at the balcony because morris's snoring was too loud for her.

Decided to go to Mustafa that day! But before that morris had to make a stop by his workplace at Dhoby so we(Iris, Vanneh, Pri and i because Asyu left as her cramps were too bad + her mom didn't allow her to stay both nights) ate at Just Acia. And that was the day we found out about the classes. I found out that morris and i were going to be a different a class from the other 3. It was heartbreaking news but we decided to not let that ruin our entire stay. 

Morning faces. (:

Constantly getting lost and landing up at the wrong platforms. Bayfront and Prommenade is so confusing. ):

Happy faces after paying up at Mustafa!

Explored Mustafa after lunch and stocked up on a  lot of snacks! We got mac n cheese and almost half a basket full of chocolates! The girls and i headed to marina square after to get some drinks and stop by Carl's Junior for some ice cream shakes. Morris took our Mustafa loots back to the hotel because he said he was tired and wanted a nap. By the time we got back it was about 8pm? Or 10pm? Oh yeah and we visited the Times bookstore again and four of us got 10 books in total for $35. Its so nice to have nerdy friends 8)

Got back to the hotel and showered as usual and we watched 3 movies!! Youtube videos first though hehe and Morris offered to make our mac n cheese for us. AWWWW. We realised they had to be microwaved. :/ so he boiled water and "cooked" them. We watched Insidious Part 2 first, followed by MAMA and lastly, Mean Girls. Morris slept first, again, and Vanessa after. She has never watched any of the horror films before but she slept throughout the entire marathon! After the movies ended, everyone slept except Iris and I because i felt that there was no point in sleeping at 5am when we had set the alarm to go off at 10am so that we could check out. Sat outside the balcony with her, once again talking about life and other nonsense. Accompanied by some chocolates. We finished all the Tiger Beer Radley that we bought at Marina Square earlier on. And the apple cider too. Good news was, Iris and i caught the sunrise! It was sooo beautiful! We finally crawled into our little space between the beds at 7am. 

9 April

Got up at 12pm. lul. And we checked out at about 1pm? Went to Nex for lunch but Morris didn't join us. And then we caught Captain America! Its my second time watching the show. But i watched it with a different company so i don't mind. Finally parted ways and reached home at 6pm.

Hope we can do this again, jags! Its always a good time with you and i know that ya'll will never judge me no matter what i do. Please let us be friends forever till we're old and wrinkly. Even after poly and uni. Thanks for the great 3 days!